What's Worth Your Life?

The first week was packed tightly with heartbreaking, mind-blowing tragedy, but this week? This is when the routine begins.

wake up. maybe run. get ready. eat breakfast. spend and hour with Jesus. pray. leave for school. sit in class. meet students. eat lunch. hang out. go home. have a meeting. eat dinner. hang out. go to sleep.

I love schedules, but schedules make me nervous. They make me nervous because when I'm in a schedule or routine, it makes it really easy for me to become apathetic. But I read about people like Paul who shared the Gospel (the very reason he was imprisoned in the first place) with his prison guard in Rome, and I know that I've got it easy. I live in a country where the only thing that keeps me from sharing my faith is the fear not that I would lose my life, but my reputation, my image. So as I travel all the way to India to share this very same truth with very different people, living in very different circumstances, with very different beliefs, I feel a little bit sheepish because I know that there are so many people incredibly dear to me already that are completely unaware of the Jesus that I know (who is, by the way, the REAL Jesus).

So this entry is about me. It's about why I'm here. Why I live the way I live and act the way I act. It's about what defines me and drives me. What brings me hope and joy and peace. It's about what, or who, rather, is worth every inch of my heart, every moment of my time, and every breath that I breathe. So really it's not about me, it's about my Rescuer, my Hero, my Knight in Shining Armor. So if you know nothing about me, but you're on my blog, this is why. If you know me, nothing about Jesus, and you are reading my blog, please forgive me, and I beg you--read on. If you are a Christian, I encourage you to humble yourself before the cross and be reminded of the beauty of our Gospel. No matter who you are, this is for you because you, my friend, bear the very image of God and He loves you dearly.

So earlier, I mentioned a man named Paul. This Paul character was once a hater of the followers of Jesus. He imprisoned men and women of faith, and even killed many many Christians. You see, Paul (Saul at the time) was a Jew and he believed that Christ-followers were a part of a cult that was dishonoring to God, until one day, God came to Saul. He spoke to him and removed his vision for three days. Then, God sent a man named Ananias so Saul could regain his sight and be filled with the Holy Spirit. Immediately something like scales fell from his eyes, and he regained his sight. (Acts 9:18). Saul (also called Paul) immediately proclaimed that Jesus is the Son of God, and people were amazed because this was the same man that was persecuting the church just days before. These people who were amazed at Paul's sudden conversion realized that he believed what he was proclaiming with all that he was. They realized that he would be devoted to the Gospel until the day that he died, so they began to plot his death. Before they could follow through with it, Paul was warned and he fled. His safety was only temporary, for he was imprisoned, beaten nearly to death, received forty lashes less one 5 times, was beaten with rods 3 times, was stoned, shipwrecked, in danger from rivers, danger from robbers, danger from his own people, danger from Gentiles, danger in the city, danger in the wilderness, danger at sea, danger from false brothers; (2 Corinthians 11:23-30) endured toil and hardship, endured many a sleepless night, in hunger and thirst, in cold and exposure.

After all of this, it is no wonder why Paul said, "For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." But what really gets me is what he says in the same breath just after: Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account. (Philippians 1:22-24)

So what is it that Paul was so willing to suffer for? What was it that made him unafraid of death? What was it that explained why he lived the way he lived and acted the way he acted? What defined him and drove him? What brought him hope and joy and peace? What, or who, rather, was worth every inch of his heart, every moment of his time, and every breath that he breathed?

Let me tell you--the message that Paul proclaimed is the same message that I came all the way to South Asia to proclaim. The message is the Gospel:

God created the world--the skies and the seas; the land and the sun; the greens and the mists to water the ground; He created animals, and as His specialty, He made man. He called all things into existence, but "the Lord God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature." (Genesis 2:7). Everything was as it should be, and God told Adam and Eve that they should trust Him, that with Him, they had all they could ever need. So He instructed them to refrain from eating an apple from one forbidden tree. Because Satan--an angel that wanted to be God, tempted Eve to eat it, she did. Then Adam did as well. After eating it, both Adam and Eve were naked, embarrassed, and afraid--feelings they had never experienced before. It was that moment that God kindly asked with tears in His eyes, what they had done? For God knew that His perfect creation would never be that way again. For things would keep getting worse--all the good would unravel, and God's children would forever believe the lie fed by Satan that God didn't love them. Because God is holy, He could no longer have full contact with Adam and Eve.

While this may sounds like the end, it's not. the space between man and God was formed by sin. Scripture says that as a result of our sin--which we were born into as a result of the fall, we have earned eternal separation from God. The only thing that could bridge the gap between God and man was blood--the blood of a sacrifice to atone for our sin. For many years, animals were sacrificed to cover sins temporarily, but relationship with God could not be fully, forever restored until an eternal sacrifice was made. So God sent from His right hand, His one and only, Beloved son Jesus Christ, as the one and only, forever provision for our sin. Fully God and fully man, Jesus lived a perfect life--one without sin so that He could bear God's wrath on our behalf. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turne--every one--to his own way; and the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all (Isaiah 53:6).

Although no guilt was found in Him, Jesus was given up to be crucified. He was beaten and bloody, flowing from the whip marks on His back. He was spat on, struck on the head, and forced to carry the Roman cross to the "place of the skull" where His broken and weakened body would be nailed and raised. "For hours we see Him hanging suspended between heaven and earth in a pain we can't imagine--and yet without complaint, without protest. Instead, we hear this: 'Father forgive them, for the know not what they do.'" We can identify ourselves as the angry mob screaming and spitting. "Even if you can't recognize yourself among the angry faces, or distinguish your own strident voice...He can. And in response to those sinful shouts and curses from you and me, Jesus yields to the sentence of death." --C.J. Mahaney

Three days after His gruesome death, Jesus rose from the dead showing that He overcame sin and death, and showing that God accepted Jesus as the one and only sacrifice for all who choose to accept Him as their Savior, their Rescuer, their Redeemer. It is Jesus who paid the price for our souls. It is through Him and only Him that we will ever see heaven. As a result of Jesus' death and resurrection, God says that we are free from the death we deserve for our sin, but not only that, but we are free to go to Him in relationship. We now have peace with God through faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. So what do you do?

You simply pray. God knows your heart, for with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved (Romans 10:10).

So Paul preached this truth with all of himself, with reckless abandon no matter the circumstance. It was worth living a life of temporary misery so that more may be saved from eternal suffering. That is why here, in South Asia, in a place of pain and brokenness, they must know that their false Hindu Gods will not satisfy their thirsty souls. That is why we--with our false treasures must know that Jesus is the only thing worth our whole life, our whole heart.

Snapshots...

Cute little boys.

Piles like these are everywhere.

She is beautiful.

Slum.

Home.

Right next to the crazy buzzing cars, this man rode his bike in the blazing heat.

Tom, a guy in our group, talks to a little beggar boy.

This man was just sleeping in the sand---isolated from the thousands of others on the dirty beach.

People always passing. Cars and buses and bikes always passing. And us? We're always praying.

The Slums

Today I was sick and stayed home amongst many others on our team. I slept today more than I have slept in a while. It gave me a little bit of a chance to let my heart rest, which was really good for me, I think. A lot has happened since I last updated, and there is no way I can explain to you everything we've experienced. You would think that there would be an overarching theme of some sort that has marked the last three or four days, but each day, though not filled with many different things, are still dense with emotion and digestion with Jesus. I honestly feel a little bit scattered, and don't even know where to start, but let me begin by just saying that my view of God is expanding so much.


Three days ago I almost barfed when I thought of how gross the water was that we walked through. I swallowed my fear and disgust, and kept moving. I must confess that there have been moments on this trip that I have sat in group prayer, and wondered if we all really experience Jesus in a real and intimate way all the days of our lives. The question lies--what is real? What is intimate? I ask the Lord, "Are you as real as the murky water I stand in and as real as the perpetual rain? Can I feel you as vividly as the water dripping from my hair to my forehead and into my eyes?" The answer is "yes," but there are days that go by that I don't feel Him, and I don't hear His voice, and I don't see the work that He is doing in and around me. I don't have hand-raising, spiritual experiences every time I worship Him in song. And here, I don't see His redemptive beauty masking the pain of the children in rags. But I have seen the work of His hands, and I know the power of His love. As I wrestle with Him through these doubts, I find myself praying, "Lord I believe! Help my unbelief!"

As I sat at a stop light in our taxi, two little girls ran up to the window batting their eyes and grabbing my arm. "10 roopie?" they ask. "No," I responded. Then I asked their names--"Apka nam kia hei?" Chaya and Maya were their names. It took everything in me to refrain from holding their faces and kissing their dirty, sweaty, rain-covered foreheads. They operate on a manipulated system of begging and strategizing. It hit me later that day as I thought to myself--this shouldn't be real. This can't actually be real. These kids belong in a movie, but not in the lens of my life. Not in the reality of my present moment. Then it dawned on me that not only is it reality for me at the moment I told these girls my name, but it's real for them too. They know that their lives consist of physical, emotional, and moral filth, and they can't seem to ever get clean. I wonder if at the end of the day, they run through their minds the different people they interacted with throughout the day. I wonder if the words "Mera nam Lindsay hei..." will echo in their minds. Because as they run through my mind, I hear their voices echo, pounding at my heart. How badly I wish I could have just told them that they were beautiful. I have had so many of those moments since I have been here. Just wanting so badly to be able to hold these people and whisper the truth in their ears that they are loved by a God that operates not on chance, but in covenant, and to tell them that He loves them dearly.

I am just a witness to the pain. I walk through the city, I don't live here. I don't run up grabbing the arms of strangers; I don't sit in a brothel and wait for customers; I don't honk my horn as I barely brush by the cars and buses on my right and left. I am merely a bystander. Yesterday, as we walked through the slums, I was numb. I saw babies pooping on the sidewalk, bodies squeezed into a small 4x4 square to sleep. Dirty clothes, dirty water, dirty walls, dirty homes--eyes were the only things not covered in dirt. On the flip side, I saw TVs, cell phones, women brushing one another's hair, smiles, laughter. I felt so conflicted. The more I processed it, the more I realized how American my view of Christianity can be. While these people have next to nothing, they seemed so content. this is all that they know, so to them, it's okay. But it's not okay. They didn't choose to live like that, they were born into those circumstances. It's not fair, and God's heart breaks for the poor, but while these people are physically poor, even more--their souls are poor.


One of the guys on our team brought up the song "break my heart for what breaks yours..."and he said--Lord, I can't handle that. It's the truth. we can't handle it. We've seen such a small glimpse of what breaks the heart of our God, and we are left shaken. "How can this be, God? If you are who you say you are, how can this be?" we cry out. The reality is, materialistically, we cannot bring to these people homes. We cannot bring them each a pair of shoes and plumbing for toilets. How can we stand here and say that is what they need? There is nothing we can do for them except recognize their spiritual bankruptcy and yearn for their salvation. Seeing them living in brokenness reveals their need for Jesus even more. Yesterday, the best thing we could do was pray--for we know our God hears the cries of our hearts.

Jesus, I thank you that when we can't, you can. I thank you that you are the God who sees, and that you see and love each person here in this big city in South Asia for they all bear your very image. God, I thank you that these people will not come to you through the materials that we hold in our hands or by the words that spill from our mouths, but that it is only by your doing that anyone can come to know you. So, Lord, I ask that you would remove the shackles from their eyes to reveal the richness of eternity--to the richness of relationship with you. Would you open their ears to hear, and their eyes to see and their hearts to receive your grace? Lord, in thinking about home, I am reminded of the multi-million dollar slums back in America. Those people may have material wealth, but they are dead in spirit. Will you show them their need for you too, Father? I love you and thank you that you are the God of redemption. In your name, Jesus, Amen.

"The Lord is not slow to fulfill His promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance." --2 Peter 3:9

"Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for He has said, 'I will never leave nor forsake you.'" --Hebrews 13:5

Jesus must be our treasure, here in poverty, and home in wealth. Even amidst suffering, He is here. So as I keep walking through this city murky with sin that makes me want to barf, the Spirit gives me grace to swallow my fear, and I move forward. I keep walking by faith and trusting that more real than the smell of garbage is the fragrance of hope, and more vivid than the colorful sacrifices to Hindu Gods is my sin made white as snow. This city needs Jesus. Pray that He comes...

Never have I ever...

Have you ever felt like the air was so humid and you were so wet that it didn't even seem worth it to change your clothes? Have you ever longed to reach out your hand, but had to remind yourself that it was, in fact, perpetuating evil? Have you ever worn a pair of shoes for the very first time, gotten home, and thought to yourself that there was no way you would put them on again without washing them? Have you ever seen a 3 year-old, barefooted child run through crowds of millions all alone? Have you ever had a street vendor follow you, asking the same question--"Picture? 200 Roopie. Picture, Mam, Picture, only 200 RPI..." Have you ever looked into round, black eyes that were created to be so full of life, but instead were dulled and manipulated? Have you ever been in a place where the only people who smile, smile wantingly? Have you ever held the hand of a little girl who had no home, no family, no guardian, no shoes, no soap, but had a name, stories of lions and monkeys, and a head full of lice? Have you ever smelled garbage, spices, inscence, and marijuana at the same time? Have you ever learned to say "Hello, what is your name?" in another language, just to find that you're too afraid to actually ask anyone? Have you ever heard the whispers of Evil in your ear saying, "You want good whores? I know where to find them"?

Never have I ever experienced anything remotely close to something like this until about 10 hours ago. Even with preparation for chaos, I am overwhelmed. I got back to our home here, and couldn't even try to convince my heart to refrain from feeling trampled on and shattered into a million tiny pieces. Tears flow easy here, just like the rain. They come down, then they let up for a few minutes, and then return even harder than they started. I sit here with my pen and journal, unwilling to write any further, but at the same time having so many loose ends to tie up. I wonder if they ever will--be tied up, that is. Not by me, that's for sure. There is only One who can do that. There's only One who can bring restoration to a city where 14 million of 24 million live in abject poverty. There is only One who can fully delight in, fully satisfy, fully restore a "used-up", scarred, HIV-positive woman who takes her customers while hiding her children under the bed on which she works. There is only One that can return lost years on the streets. There is only One who can see it all. There is only One.

Why, O LORD, do you stand far away? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble? In arrogance the wicked hotly pursue the poor; let them be caught in the schemes that they have devised. For the wicked boasts of the desires of his soul, and the one greedy for gain curses and renounces the LORD. In the pride of his face the wicked does not seek him; all his thoughts are, "There is no God." His ways prosper at all times; your judgments are on high, out of his sight; as for all his foes, he puffs at them. He says in his heart, "I shall not be moved; throughout all generations I shall not meet adversity." His mouth is filled with cursing and deceit and oppression; under his tongue are mischief and iniquity. He sits in ambush in the villages; in hiding places he murders the innocent. His eyes stealthily watch for the helpless; he lurks in ambush like a lion in his thicket; he lurks that he may seize the poor; he seizes the poor when he draws him into his net. The helpless are crushed, sink down, and fall by his might. He says in his heart, "God has forgotten, he has hidden his face, he will never see it."

Arise, O LORD; O God, lift up your hand; forget not the afflicted. Why does the wicked renounce God and say in his heart, "You will not call to account"? But you do see, for you note mischief and vexation, that you may take it into your hands; to you the helpless commits himself; you have been the helper of the fatherless. Break the arm of the wicked and evildoer; call his wickedness to account till you find none. The LORD is king forever and ever; the nations perish from his land. O LORD, you hear the desire of the afflicted; you will strengthen their heart; you will incline your ear to do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed, so that man who is of the earth may strike terror no more.
--Psalm 10
Jesus has sent me here. "'You are my witnesses,' declares the Lord, 'and my servant whom I have chosen, that you may know and believe me and understand that I am He.'" -Isaiah 43: 9, 10. I am one of the servants whom He has chosen, and if He has me placed here in this dark place so that under ALL circumstances, I may know, understand, and believe that He is God, then it's worth it. He is the God of South Asia. I will not fear for He is with me; and I only know and believe Him and press on because I am "precious in His eyes, and He loves me." Isaiah 43:2

Until next time...
Linds

Keep your Lamps Burning.

(My posts won't always be this long, I promise, but stick with me :))

"Stay dressed for action and keep your lamps burning, and be like men who are waiting for their master to come home from the wedding feast, so that they may open the door to Him at once when He comes and knocks. Blessed are the servants whom the master finds awake when He comes."
--Luke 12: 35, 36

So after I read this passage, I chose to name my blog, "Keep your Lamps Burning." When I first gave it its' name, all I was thinking was about how this summer I will need to persevere and "fight the good fight" and be wearing the armor of God. But as I prayed more over this piece of scripture just the other day, and meditated over Jesus' words, the Holy Spirit began to stir a little something more in my heart. Jesus spoke these words after He casted out a mute demon, and responded to a crowd of thousands as they "pressed Him hard and provoked Him" to lie or abandon truth. In the midst of this crowd, Jesus spoke to His disciples, and taught them not to be anxious and to give their hearts fully to the Lord. He said "for where your treasure is, there will your heart be also" (v. 34) THEN He told them to "stay dressed for action."

So then I began to think; and still, right now, I'm thinking--Lord, where is my heart? Now, as I prepare to leave for South Asia, I'm asking myself where my heart is, and the verse "Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart" continues to ring in my mind. Are the desires in your heart in line with God's, Lindsay? I ask myself. Is my "treasure" Jesus right now? And these thoughts--these random thoughts do not come together in a neat little bow, but I came to this conclusion--profound? No. But it just happened to meet me right here where I'm at:

What we want in this world--what everyone in this world is after, in some form or another, is treasure.

For one it may be their career. Another, their health. For someone else, their treasure may be their family or their grades. Their car or home or bank account. For the homeless, treasure may be a blanket; the poor--food; the abused--rest; the anxious--stability. You see, treasure is not always a golden box of gems found at the spot marked with an X, but rather treasure is what our hearts desire. Sometimes these things are not "bad" things to want--and many times, they are good. But in some cases, they become the things that we strive after. This so-called treasure becomes ultimate, and ultimately, it begins to take the throne of our lives. So do you think that if we place our trust in the Lord, that he will give us a healthy, perfect family, or a new, sleep car or complete stability when all we want to do is cry? Jesus says that where our treasure is, there our heart will also be. But the true treasure is found in Jesus. The desires of our heart are satisfied when and only when we are delighting in the Lord and realizing that the X that marks the spot is actually the cross of Calvary; where no seeming riches could be found, but instead our Rescuer, stripped and hung bare.

You see, our treasures are discreet sometimes. For me, I uphold the idols of comfort, entitlement, and "holding-it-together," but here, Jesus is saying--"Find your false treasures, and make sure you're ready and dressed to fight against them." Fight the lies that tell you that your life is more significant than that of a starving child in Africa or a young woman selling herself so she can feed her children. Be ready and dress yourself in the eternal armor so you may recognize when your treasure strays from your Jesus.

He goes on to say my title verse: "and keep your lamps burning and be like men who are waiting for their master to come home from the wedding feast..." This summer in South Asia is going to rock me. I am going to see need all around me. Brokenness that I never could have dreamed about, and I'm going to want to agree with these people's false treasures. The starving child first NEEDS food, then love. The crippled man lying in the streets first NEEDS a wheelchair, then love. The naked first NEED clothes, then love. If I begin to think that the treasure for others is alright as something other than Jesus, my heart will be conflicted, and my light, that only shines as a reflection of Jesus' love for me, will begin to go out. I know that we all have needs--in fact, James says in James chapter two that if we see needs and simply walk by, our faith is dead--our light does not shine. The 2 are connected (the Gospel + good works), so saying to the starving child whose treasure is food "Jesus has food--bread--that will forever fill you," as you hand them bread is keeping your lamp burning, it's delivering truth and physical needs.

As the passage continues to say, "and be like men who are waiting for their master to come home from the wedding feast, so that they may open the door to Him at once when He comes and knocks", I can't help but think: I want to be ready for when my master returns from the wedding feast. I want to open my door to Jesus AT ONCE when He comes and knocks. Whatever we do for the least of these, He says, we do for Him. I want to know Him more so that my treasure is Him--so that my desires are His--so that at the end of this trip, my lamp is burning brighter still, even after seeing God's heart trampled in the second-most populous city in the world. And when I'm a mess--overwhelmed at the poverty, brokenness, and pain, I want to trust that Jesus is who He says He is, and that one day He will come and knock...

And when He does, every tear will be dried from my eyes, and every other treasure disappeared, and I will join with the Chorus singing, "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come..."