Never have I ever...

Have you ever felt like the air was so humid and you were so wet that it didn't even seem worth it to change your clothes? Have you ever longed to reach out your hand, but had to remind yourself that it was, in fact, perpetuating evil? Have you ever worn a pair of shoes for the very first time, gotten home, and thought to yourself that there was no way you would put them on again without washing them? Have you ever seen a 3 year-old, barefooted child run through crowds of millions all alone? Have you ever had a street vendor follow you, asking the same question--"Picture? 200 Roopie. Picture, Mam, Picture, only 200 RPI..." Have you ever looked into round, black eyes that were created to be so full of life, but instead were dulled and manipulated? Have you ever been in a place where the only people who smile, smile wantingly? Have you ever held the hand of a little girl who had no home, no family, no guardian, no shoes, no soap, but had a name, stories of lions and monkeys, and a head full of lice? Have you ever smelled garbage, spices, inscence, and marijuana at the same time? Have you ever learned to say "Hello, what is your name?" in another language, just to find that you're too afraid to actually ask anyone? Have you ever heard the whispers of Evil in your ear saying, "You want good whores? I know where to find them"?

Never have I ever experienced anything remotely close to something like this until about 10 hours ago. Even with preparation for chaos, I am overwhelmed. I got back to our home here, and couldn't even try to convince my heart to refrain from feeling trampled on and shattered into a million tiny pieces. Tears flow easy here, just like the rain. They come down, then they let up for a few minutes, and then return even harder than they started. I sit here with my pen and journal, unwilling to write any further, but at the same time having so many loose ends to tie up. I wonder if they ever will--be tied up, that is. Not by me, that's for sure. There is only One who can do that. There's only One who can bring restoration to a city where 14 million of 24 million live in abject poverty. There is only One who can fully delight in, fully satisfy, fully restore a "used-up", scarred, HIV-positive woman who takes her customers while hiding her children under the bed on which she works. There is only One that can return lost years on the streets. There is only One who can see it all. There is only One.

Why, O LORD, do you stand far away? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble? In arrogance the wicked hotly pursue the poor; let them be caught in the schemes that they have devised. For the wicked boasts of the desires of his soul, and the one greedy for gain curses and renounces the LORD. In the pride of his face the wicked does not seek him; all his thoughts are, "There is no God." His ways prosper at all times; your judgments are on high, out of his sight; as for all his foes, he puffs at them. He says in his heart, "I shall not be moved; throughout all generations I shall not meet adversity." His mouth is filled with cursing and deceit and oppression; under his tongue are mischief and iniquity. He sits in ambush in the villages; in hiding places he murders the innocent. His eyes stealthily watch for the helpless; he lurks in ambush like a lion in his thicket; he lurks that he may seize the poor; he seizes the poor when he draws him into his net. The helpless are crushed, sink down, and fall by his might. He says in his heart, "God has forgotten, he has hidden his face, he will never see it."

Arise, O LORD; O God, lift up your hand; forget not the afflicted. Why does the wicked renounce God and say in his heart, "You will not call to account"? But you do see, for you note mischief and vexation, that you may take it into your hands; to you the helpless commits himself; you have been the helper of the fatherless. Break the arm of the wicked and evildoer; call his wickedness to account till you find none. The LORD is king forever and ever; the nations perish from his land. O LORD, you hear the desire of the afflicted; you will strengthen their heart; you will incline your ear to do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed, so that man who is of the earth may strike terror no more.
--Psalm 10
Jesus has sent me here. "'You are my witnesses,' declares the Lord, 'and my servant whom I have chosen, that you may know and believe me and understand that I am He.'" -Isaiah 43: 9, 10. I am one of the servants whom He has chosen, and if He has me placed here in this dark place so that under ALL circumstances, I may know, understand, and believe that He is God, then it's worth it. He is the God of South Asia. I will not fear for He is with me; and I only know and believe Him and press on because I am "precious in His eyes, and He loves me." Isaiah 43:2

Until next time...
Linds